Contentment

I know most of you have no interest in reading about my religious views or perspectives on my life, so just a heads up, you may tune out for this post if you don't want to hear about any of that. So... anyway, its been about 2 and a half months since I arrived in Denver and things are going really good. I believe in an earlier post I recalled how good it felt to feel as though God was calling me to move to Denver in the first place, and I can safely say that having been here for 2 months, in the place I am supposed to be, has only made that feeling better and stronger. Not only do I feel like I was supposed to move here, but now I can actually see some of the reasons why in my life, day by day, and that is truly amazing.

Before I left, I was a part of a small group, and was only really a part of it for about 3 months. This small group gave me a much needed lift to my faith, and filled me up with hope, love, and passion for my own God and the beliefs I hold about him. I realize now that without this group of special people, I would not be here today in the wonderful position that I am in. Thank you guys! In one of these sections, we talked about the meaning on contentment, and found that most people knew how to describe what is not contentment, but very few knew how to define it with positive words. Some people said that contentment is the lack of pain, the lack of sorrow, the absence of guilt or grief, and even just something as simple as not being worried about anything. I really wasn't sure about my own definition of contentment until about a day ore two ago. None of the above statements are true for me. I am in fact full of every one of those conditions which are supposed to NOT bring contentment, but I am still in such a state. How is this so? I have come up with my own personal definition that works for me quite well. Contentment for me, appears to be knowing that I am a part of Gods plan and and living my life in accordance with his plan for me. I can say with certainty that I have never before felt this certain that I am where I am supposed to be, and that I am doing what I am supposed to while I am here. My faith and beliefs are constantly being tested, and validated by God, and I can feel his joy in my progress. Even when I fall, I can see Him right next to me picking me up and moving me forward. I have never know a feeling of Joy and contentment such as this before and life is truly a blessing. I pray that all of you will be able to find your contentment weather it is through the definition I have given it, or some other of your own choosing.

So this is Life Huh?

Hey ya'll! Its been a while since my last post, and rightly so. I have been very busy getting The Elaborate Entrance of Chad Deity up and running. The show opened last weekend, and was rated by a popular theatre critique as the number one show to see in Denver this season. WOOT! As expected, I am trying to put my heart and soul into this show, and am spending a lot of time working and in the theatre. Today was the first day of school for all of my good friends back at the whit, and I t has got me thinking about all of the things that I really took for granted about being in school. I may never have a first day of school again. No classes and school events to meet new people. No homework (which I am actually happy about), and no more easy world educational theatre. While I love where I am right now, I am struggling to meet people outside of theatre because I am so busy all the time. Being single is fine right now, and having only a few friends in Denver is fine too, but thinking about the future, I am not quite sure how or when I am going to get the chance to make any progress in any of those areas. All you people in school, dont take it for granted cause the social aspect of education is something that will not last forever. Anyway. God is good, life is great, and I miss you all. Peace!

Washington Shmashington

SO, I have been in Denver for all of... 15 days. I just moved in with my awesome housemates Nick, Brad, and Josh, and am borrowing Nicks car to get to work until I get mine all set up hopefully this weekend or the next.Work has been going well, nothing unusual. We build things, problems arise, we fix them, and then the director and designers come in and we start that lovely cycle all over again. Light hang day one is tomorrow, and it will be my first true day in the grid, as I will be up in the air all day, and have to do more than squeeze the I beam with my legs and scream that I am okay! The next 2 days are for hang and then the third is for focus. Hoping to get my bearings in those days up on the grid. Really digging my boss, Guy. Teaching me a lot and fun to work with. I hang out with Ryan as much as I can and I have really been enjoying seeing him on a regular basis. On a sad note, I miss seeing all my friends from Spokane and family from Redmond. Especially Preston, Aaron, Jerod, Amanda, Tobin, and Rachel... and my Mom and Dad and Bother a lot too. If your upset I didn't mention you, I probably meant too, I just don't wanna list names forever and bore you all (Kyle, Dumble House, Linnea, and the entire Jarvis family). I am having a blast over here, and really feel like this is where I am supposed to be right now which is a great feeling. I am trying to do as much as I can while I am here because I don't know how long that will be, so I am pretty busy. When this next shows tech starts life is going to get crazy though! Anyway, that's my brief update from Denver, ttyl!

A Change of Location is In Order

Hey friends! So... this is my blog. I am going to try to fill it with exciting stories and news from my move to Denver. For any of you who don't know this, I recently accepted a paid internship in Denver Colorado, and moved here in a weeks time. Today was my second official day of work, and as per usual, everything in my life keeps falling into place. About 2 weeks ago I got a call from the Curious Theatre Company to ask me for a phone interview. We set it up, it went well... no big deal. Friday of that week, I got a call from them again, saying that I received the position, and that I had a day to decide weather I wanted to accept it or not. I would have to start work on August first (which at the time was about 9 days away) and so I was very stressed. I decided to take the position, and the journey began. I bought my plane ticket, and started looking for housing. Finding none, my generous boss offered me his place until I could find something else. I accepted once again, and began concentrating on packing. The day before I left for Denver, I got a phone call from my dear friend Nick Kemner, telling me that he was getting a new house in downtown Denver and was looking for a roommate. PERFECT! I accepted yet a third amazing offer and looked at the house yesterday. Its awesome! Now only one issue remains. I dont have any method of transportation in Denver. Wait, whats that, my awesome boss just bought a new car and informed me that he may be willing to sell me his old one?! BOOM! Accepted. I am in the process of working out some details with him, but hope to have a car by the end of next week. So... the trend of my life right now seems to be that God is taking care of everything. This seems to be one of those opportunities that everything is just falling into place, and it feels great. I have only worked for 2 days, but I am loving working with Guy (my boss) and learning as much as I can. I get to use so many cool new tools! WOOT!

There also happen to be a lot of people I know in Denver. I have hung out with Ryan already... AWESOME! Emily is coming down in like 2 days which is equally awesome! I hung out with Nick and Meghan and Amanda yesterday night and we went to a bar... and had some ... interesting experiences to say the least. I have a terrible memory, so If any of you guys want are in Denver or close to it, let me know so I can come and see youuuuu.

To conclude this entry, Denver is awesome and I really feel like I am supposed to be here right now. I miss all of you back home, and wish you all the best.

I cannot be shaken

This post has much of the same content as my last one. The concept of death still seems to haunt me more than everyone else around me. I am so terrified of the idea of death. I guess the thing that scars me most is when I die, what will my life have accomplished? This question has been plaguing me for a while now and I would like to walk through my answer for a minute. If there is a God, which it is my firm belief that there is, then the purpose of life is to live and serve Him. If there is not a God, then there is no real purpose to life,  therefor nothing matters. If this is the case, then it only makes sense that I live my life in a kind and thoughtful manner, so as to increase the enjoyment of life of those around me. Either way my response is the same, the difference lies in my reasons. It scares me a great deal to consider death, and all the questions that accompanies it. I only wish to know if I am alone in my fear of death, or at least to the degree to which I fear death. It is almost always pn my mind and causes me much stress. The time when I feel the most at peace is in bible study or church. When I am close to God I feel more at ease. I think this may be His way of helping me to want to get closer to Him and I feel as though he has been nudging me in that direction for a long time now. I hope to act on this and find new ways to grow in my relationship with God, but please keep me in your prayers and I hope to find some sort of peace soon.

What is the point?

It seems like everyone and everything is crumbling around me. So many of my friends and people I went to school with have died in the past few years, and the idea of death is really beginning to sink in. I always try to remind myself that I am going to die someday no matter what I do in this life and its very hard to wrap my head around. I sat awake for hours the other night because I couldn't stop thinking about how I am not the only person who thinks, and there have been millions before me and will be millions after me. How am I important at all? What does it matter what I do? I will not go down in any history books, I will not make any huge innovations to change the world. I am just another guy, searching for nothing. I feel incredibly alone and helpless. At the same time, there is some hope. While many people scoff at religion, it at least gives my life some focus. Following God, loving everyone, and living to serve him at least seems like a good use of my time. If I cant do anything useful in my life, the least I can do is love others and help them to do the really important things. When I die, I doubt I will be remembered, I am just another one in millions of millions of people. Even if I am, what good does being remembered do? When the people who remember me die, what happens then? Will I be flying in the clouds with my friends and relatives having a blast when i die? Will everything just go black and then, nothing? The thing that scares me more than death is the idea that nothing happens after death. There needs to be something after. Someplace where I matter.

The Final Countdown

Well, all is as I expected it would be this break. Christmas has been great, and I have enjoyed spending time with my family but I still am missing way more than I am enjoying. I find myself thinking about others all day and how much I would rather be spending time with them, even it it was doing homework. The simple fact is, I was hoping to get away from some of the drama of school by coming home and relaxing over break, but that was not to be as my own family drama far outweighs that of the school. I just feel trapped by my life right now, and all the problems that are popping up in it are driving me up a wall. I long for the good old days of no worries except for what game I was going to play at recess. One more semester to go and I am out of here for good. One semester of fun and homework and friends and then I am in the real world. The world of a job, and house payments, and getting a car, and feeding myself. The world of responsibility is something that I don't quite feel ready for yet. I have also come to the realization that this will be my last trip home in God only knows how long. After this I have a few breaks, but all of them I am planning on spending elsewhere. After graduation I plan on going wherever I can find work, so this may be my last chance to be home with my family in a long time. Wouldn't it be great if that last time was full of great memories and no family drama?

I feel as though I must again say, that I am homesick here at home. I long to be at my real home, where the people I love are. I miss one person a lot more than everyone else, and every day I am without her makes my heart hurt a little more. I cannot wait until I get to see her again and think about it all the time. I just hope she knows how important she is to me and how much I love her.