The Final Countdown

Well, all is as I expected it would be this break. Christmas has been great, and I have enjoyed spending time with my family but I still am missing way more than I am enjoying. I find myself thinking about others all day and how much I would rather be spending time with them, even it it was doing homework. The simple fact is, I was hoping to get away from some of the drama of school by coming home and relaxing over break, but that was not to be as my own family drama far outweighs that of the school. I just feel trapped by my life right now, and all the problems that are popping up in it are driving me up a wall. I long for the good old days of no worries except for what game I was going to play at recess. One more semester to go and I am out of here for good. One semester of fun and homework and friends and then I am in the real world. The world of a job, and house payments, and getting a car, and feeding myself. The world of responsibility is something that I don't quite feel ready for yet. I have also come to the realization that this will be my last trip home in God only knows how long. After this I have a few breaks, but all of them I am planning on spending elsewhere. After graduation I plan on going wherever I can find work, so this may be my last chance to be home with my family in a long time. Wouldn't it be great if that last time was full of great memories and no family drama?

I feel as though I must again say, that I am homesick here at home. I long to be at my real home, where the people I love are. I miss one person a lot more than everyone else, and every day I am without her makes my heart hurt a little more. I cannot wait until I get to see her again and think about it all the time. I just hope she knows how important she is to me and how much I love her.

Always waiting for something better

As I finished my last day in Spokane before break, I have begun thinking about what exactly it is that I am going home to. Yes, my family is home... that's pretty much it for me. I love my family so much, each and every one of them. I feel as though there should be something else waiting for me at home. Leaving school is a sad day for me, as I leave my job, my friends, the people I love and care about, my comfort, and even my independence. Something about going home and being treated like a little kid just doesn't sound appealing to me. I enjoy the freedom of being my own adult person at school, and I don't want to leave that for break.  I am afraid that this break will be yet another one of sitting at my computer typing about what I wish I was doing, as I only really have 1 or 2 friends back home and I can't expect to hang out with them all the time. Its an interesting thing how school works.... I spend all year looking forward to breaks, and all breaks looking forward to going back. It would seem that I am never satisfied. I am going to make sure I enjoy my last semester at University, but I am really scared about what will come after. Where will I get a job? Will I get a Job? Where will I live? With whom? How the hell am I going to pay off all my debt? Will I stay in contact with the great people I met here, and will they do the same? So many questions to answer.  I suppose I am just scared of the changes that graduating will bring. All I can say is that I hope my friends and family will be there with me every step of the way, because in the end, they are all I have got.