It has been a while since my last post, and to be honest, a lot has happened. I think its always a good idea to start a story at... the beginning, so I will do so. : P The first big thing to happen to me was a real bummer. About a month ago, I got in a car accident. I was turning at an intersection, and someone ran a red light, going about 40 and T-boned me. Fortunately, they hit my passenger side, and fortunately, I drive almost always with my window down, so instead of my head smashing into the window of my car, my body flew out my window, and then my seat belt dragged me back into the car, totally unharmed. My car was however completely unable to drive, and totaled. I had to get it towed, and within a few days the insurance found the accident the other drivers fault and I was compensated with money! YAY! Seriously though I don't have a car and that fucking sucks. I have been trying to find a car to buy buy have high standards for my money and very little off time to look for one so I am still car-less. I am seriously missing my independence right now. : (
So, after all that, I figured my life would turn for the better. Apparently not. I then proceeded to lose my debit card. Sucked, but no big deal. Canceled it, got a new one. Go me! Right? WRONG! Next thing I know, I'm unable to sleep due to the immense pain in my left eye. I stay up all night calling optometrists, trying to find anyone who will take me in the morning or right then. I find one eventually, and wait up all night to go in. The doctor takes a look at me, gives me some tests and tells me that I have both an infection in my eye, due to my contacts (rare but apparently just happens sometimes) and ALSO that I have a small ulcer in my eye and that its good I came in or I could have gone blind. WOOT! So... my eye is swollen shut and in pain for the next week or so, as I take medicated eye drops, and now the ulcer is healed and the infection is gone. I do still have a scar on my eye that blurs my shitty vision even more, so I am on ore drops and unable to wear contacts for the next 2 weeks. I just hope it gets smaller and I can see back to normal after that.
About 4 days ago I started getting sick, and throwing up and just genuinely feeling like shit. I have just been trucking through that on my own, but I think I am on the up and up from that one right now too. I would like to take this opportunity to say to the universe, I am sorry if I ever offended you, and please leave me alone. :P That being said, I have heard from several friends that "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger". With this I truly agree. It is in my times of hardship and strife (I just want all of you to know I just accidentally typed "hardshit and strife" and that should be a word) that I tend to find greater meaning and strength in my life. It is my firm belief that when "bad" things happen to me, it is God giving me an opportunity to grow, or to learn something from it. For this reason, I also welcome this seemingly horrible month, and have learned a great deal of things about myself. :) I encourage all for you, my friends who read this, to look at your hardships the same way. If something in your life sucks, it is God either challenging you to learn and improve, or He is only doing this to help you in some way in the future. Maybe I will meat my wife to be because of this car accident? I have NO IDEA, and will continue to trust that this shitty month is all a part of His plan for me, and welcome it with open arms. Thanks for listening (or reading) to me preach at you, and I hope this can somehow inspire you too look at life the way I try to. Miss you all and come visit meeee! : )
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Monday, August 5, 2013
Somebody Make a Move
Whats up friends! And random creepers from the internet. lol It has been a long time since I have posted anything so, I figured it was about time.
This is mostly to let everyone back home know whats going on with my life. I have just started my second year as the curious theater ATD with my new TD Mark. Cool dude, and I am really excited to learn a lot of stuff from him in the next year. Its a great blessing to get to ATD for 3 different TD's in 3 years so I can't wait to see another way to get the job done. Urm... lets see, still living with awesome housemates but I may be looking at getting my own room soon (sorry Nick, I know your sad about that). I went home to visit family and friends in Seattle and Spokane a few weeks ago, and I found that with my month off, I had NO IDEA what to do with myself. I really enjoyed seeing all my Spokompton friends, and if I didnt see you, then hopefully next time I visit we can hang out. I am very glad to be back at work, doing what I love. I did go to a sort of meet and greet with the TD of the Intiman theatre in Seattle while I was there, so there is a possibility that I will be going back there sometime after this is over, but really, I will go wherever I find work. I also just cut off all my hair, I grew it out to my shoulders since October. other than that life is pretty much the same. A few good things have happened, and a few bad that I cant tlak about online, but talk to me in person and I can clue you in :)
As per usual, I will go off for a bit on something troubling me. I have noticed in my life for the past 4 or 5 months that many people around me have trouble taking actions to get what they want. A lot of people seem content to sit around and wait for good things to happen to them, or for what they want to just magically happen. Okay, lets be real people... FUCK THAT. What a giant waste of your life! I know this post is more about other people than me, but seriously, why does anyone think that's a good idea? You want to get a new job, go apply somewhere, you want to quit smoking, fucking stop today! Don't like your body, do something about it, go to the gym. I don't know if I am just more aggressive than most people, but to me it seems to make the most sense to just live your life in pursuit of what you want. that's it for me, short one today: P
This is mostly to let everyone back home know whats going on with my life. I have just started my second year as the curious theater ATD with my new TD Mark. Cool dude, and I am really excited to learn a lot of stuff from him in the next year. Its a great blessing to get to ATD for 3 different TD's in 3 years so I can't wait to see another way to get the job done. Urm... lets see, still living with awesome housemates but I may be looking at getting my own room soon (sorry Nick, I know your sad about that). I went home to visit family and friends in Seattle and Spokane a few weeks ago, and I found that with my month off, I had NO IDEA what to do with myself. I really enjoyed seeing all my Spokompton friends, and if I didnt see you, then hopefully next time I visit we can hang out. I am very glad to be back at work, doing what I love. I did go to a sort of meet and greet with the TD of the Intiman theatre in Seattle while I was there, so there is a possibility that I will be going back there sometime after this is over, but really, I will go wherever I find work. I also just cut off all my hair, I grew it out to my shoulders since October. other than that life is pretty much the same. A few good things have happened, and a few bad that I cant tlak about online, but talk to me in person and I can clue you in :)
As per usual, I will go off for a bit on something troubling me. I have noticed in my life for the past 4 or 5 months that many people around me have trouble taking actions to get what they want. A lot of people seem content to sit around and wait for good things to happen to them, or for what they want to just magically happen. Okay, lets be real people... FUCK THAT. What a giant waste of your life! I know this post is more about other people than me, but seriously, why does anyone think that's a good idea? You want to get a new job, go apply somewhere, you want to quit smoking, fucking stop today! Don't like your body, do something about it, go to the gym. I don't know if I am just more aggressive than most people, but to me it seems to make the most sense to just live your life in pursuit of what you want. that's it for me, short one today: P
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
I could stand up if you got off me...
So, I think I will start off by saying that life in Denver is still pretty good. It has its rough patches, but not too bad. The topid of this blog is more for me than for you so read on if you want, but don't feel obligated. I think I just need a way to get these thoughts in my head out in the open after all the crap that has happened to me with my "friends" this week.
Over the past few weeks, a few moments stand out in my head. A "friend" told me to go have a nice life, over one of the stupidist arguments I have ever heard... Another told me that I dont bring anything to their friendship, and then stopped talking to me, and yet a third just told me that I wasn't worth the time or energy it took to keep our friendship going. While seperately these events seem like just random bad friends who I now dont have to worry about, together they pose an interesting question in my head. Is it me? Am I the problem? What is it that I do wrong that is making all of my friends not want to be my friends? And how many more people feel this way about me and have simply said nothing?
Before I can answer these questions, my mnd goes on a trail of ther thoughts, one of which I will elaborate on. I am a nonconfrontational person. I hate conflict.In rare cases, when something is extremely important to me, I will confornt someone or stand up for myself or someone else, but usually I just concede and let people sort of ... walk all over me in the process. I know it sounds pretty bad, but its really not. I just would rather sped my energy on more important things in my life than fighting over things I care little about. Here is where the dots connect. In EVERY relationship I have had, when I get to the point where I actually care about something enough to stand up for my opinion, I get shot down. And not in some weird logical sort of way... but with the following argument.
"well if you believe (or think, or say, or want) that, then maybe we shouldnt date anymore"
WTF people! That is so not fair! Every time I stand up for what I wat or what I believe or care about, people make me choose between the relationship, and my own beliefs... unfortunately, I seem to always make the mistake of conceding my opinion, and keeping the relationship... further reinforcing my conciousness's belief that conflict is bad because I will never win. As my life has progressed, I have become less and less willing to have these moments where I stand up for myself because when I do I am forced to concede or give up my relationship.
After moving to Denver, I have tried to take a new stance of standing up for myself... but alass it has only furthered my current view of myself. Every time I have tried to stand up to a friend for myself or something I believe in, they have decided to no longer be my friend. It would seem that I cannot find anyone who is simply okay with either being wrong once and a while, or with agreeing to disagree. This has caused me to ponder the following question: is it worth me standing up for myself if every time I do I lose a friend or loved one?I dont even know the answer to this question myself yet. The idealist in me says, yes, I should always stand up for myself, but the realist in me simply retorts that if that were to be true, then I would have no friends because every time I have done so, I have lost someone.
Anyway, I don't need a flood of messages telling me that your a true friend, or anything like that. I really dont. I just wish I could feel like I didnt have to let people walk over me to be accepted and appreciated. Just reding that aloud to myself sounds terrible but it's kind of true. If you for some reason feel the need to tell me that this isnt true with you, dont message me. Just show me that I am wrong next time we talk.
Anyway, what a depressing blog. Denver is good. I am good. No girlfriend yet. Still paying off loans with all of my money. Still working my ass of and loving every minute of it. Thanks for readin this depressing stream of conciousness and despite its subject matter, I am fairly happy here :)
Over the past few weeks, a few moments stand out in my head. A "friend" told me to go have a nice life, over one of the stupidist arguments I have ever heard... Another told me that I dont bring anything to their friendship, and then stopped talking to me, and yet a third just told me that I wasn't worth the time or energy it took to keep our friendship going. While seperately these events seem like just random bad friends who I now dont have to worry about, together they pose an interesting question in my head. Is it me? Am I the problem? What is it that I do wrong that is making all of my friends not want to be my friends? And how many more people feel this way about me and have simply said nothing?
Before I can answer these questions, my mnd goes on a trail of ther thoughts, one of which I will elaborate on. I am a nonconfrontational person. I hate conflict.In rare cases, when something is extremely important to me, I will confornt someone or stand up for myself or someone else, but usually I just concede and let people sort of ... walk all over me in the process. I know it sounds pretty bad, but its really not. I just would rather sped my energy on more important things in my life than fighting over things I care little about. Here is where the dots connect. In EVERY relationship I have had, when I get to the point where I actually care about something enough to stand up for my opinion, I get shot down. And not in some weird logical sort of way... but with the following argument.
"well if you believe (or think, or say, or want) that, then maybe we shouldnt date anymore"
WTF people! That is so not fair! Every time I stand up for what I wat or what I believe or care about, people make me choose between the relationship, and my own beliefs... unfortunately, I seem to always make the mistake of conceding my opinion, and keeping the relationship... further reinforcing my conciousness's belief that conflict is bad because I will never win. As my life has progressed, I have become less and less willing to have these moments where I stand up for myself because when I do I am forced to concede or give up my relationship.
After moving to Denver, I have tried to take a new stance of standing up for myself... but alass it has only furthered my current view of myself. Every time I have tried to stand up to a friend for myself or something I believe in, they have decided to no longer be my friend. It would seem that I cannot find anyone who is simply okay with either being wrong once and a while, or with agreeing to disagree. This has caused me to ponder the following question: is it worth me standing up for myself if every time I do I lose a friend or loved one?I dont even know the answer to this question myself yet. The idealist in me says, yes, I should always stand up for myself, but the realist in me simply retorts that if that were to be true, then I would have no friends because every time I have done so, I have lost someone.
Anyway, I don't need a flood of messages telling me that your a true friend, or anything like that. I really dont. I just wish I could feel like I didnt have to let people walk over me to be accepted and appreciated. Just reding that aloud to myself sounds terrible but it's kind of true. If you for some reason feel the need to tell me that this isnt true with you, dont message me. Just show me that I am wrong next time we talk.
Anyway, what a depressing blog. Denver is good. I am good. No girlfriend yet. Still paying off loans with all of my money. Still working my ass of and loving every minute of it. Thanks for readin this depressing stream of conciousness and despite its subject matter, I am fairly happy here :)
Friday, March 1, 2013
Long Time, No See
Hello friends and random Facebook friends! It has been a very long time since I have posted anything, so part of this is to share some of my past few weeks with you all, and the other is to elaborate on an issue I have been fighting in myself for quite sometime.
Curious Theatre over here in Denver is going pretty well. I finished up my last show Maple and Vine last weekend, and it was an interesting run. I have never been so acutely aware of how much a crew getting along is important in theatre. No one person was at fault with our problems backstage, just many people misunderstanding each other and holding grudges. Outside of theatre, I started this weird thing called "online dating" .... I know... I know... its weird. I just don't ever really have time to meet people outside of work and so I needed some method of getting in touch with people. I have been on this thing for like 2 weeks now, gone on 1 date so far, and messaged a few girls. Most people are incredibly rude as they hide behind the mask that is their computer. Also, apparently every woman is Denver is "fun loving, loves hiking and being outdoors, and has amazing eyes" -_- Most profiles are exactly the same. Its actually been kind of lame so far. The one date I went on went pretty well. Her name is Dani and we got sushi. It was of course awkward at first, but we got rolling eventually and had a good time. Then she went into finals and I started tech so.... hope to see her again soon.
There was a "winter storm" here about a week ago. I am from Seattle so let me just say IT WAS A BLIZZARD! lol It started the same day that strike for my last show and load in for my current show started so I got picked up by my boss, and we kind of got snowed into work. We worked long a long day and I spent the night in the theatre. WOOT! It snowed for like 2 days, then was sunny, and now the snow is almost all gone. So weird. We had 4 days to load in the current show, and do light hang and focus and paint the entire floor and set, so I have been working like a mad dog the past few days. Tech was tonight so from here it should be a little easier. Fingers are crossed!
About the same time that strike started I developed a sinus infection. I haven't had time to go to the doctor yet so I am just trying to take care of myself right now. Some days are worse than others. I actually bought a neti pot today cause I heard it would help. So far I still feel the same so... ya. Hopefully more than 4 hours of sleep a night and some rest will help now.
So... big news! I got offered an extension on my internship here for another year! My current boss is retiring and they want someone who knows the theatre to stick around and help the new guy figure things out here and how we do them. As a result I will be here for awhile longer now. I may try to work some summer job in Spokane over the summer if I can find one, so I hope to see all my friends again before my internship resumes.
Lent is cool. I tend to look at it as a chance for me to give up something that I don't like about myself or I think I want to change. I gave up video games for lent this year, as I think I spend too much time playing them and sometimes they make me an ass hole so I wanted to stop. I do feel much happier so far and will try to maintain this for the rest of lent. I think after lent I will still play them again, but I would like to cut back on time spent playing them a lot.
That about sums up my life in Denver right now. Now I suppose I will rant. I have been "pursuing" the girl of my dreams for some time now. I have thought I found her 3 times, and been disappointed each time. I am not upset or impatient, but I have been trying really hard to get a girlfriend since I have been in Denver. Part of it I think is to fill the loneliness I feel from my last big break up... leaving all of my friends in Spokane (shout out, love ya all). Each time I have found someone I like and am interested in something weird of fucked up happens and it just cant work out. I have been ignoring this for a while but I have decided to take the hint. I am pretty confident that I am supposed to be single right now, and so I am going to take a more passive role in relationship finding right now and just try to concentrate on my life and work. This is hard for me but I am going to try.
Thanks for reading this friends, and if you miss me, text me :P Love to talk to all of you
Curious Theatre over here in Denver is going pretty well. I finished up my last show Maple and Vine last weekend, and it was an interesting run. I have never been so acutely aware of how much a crew getting along is important in theatre. No one person was at fault with our problems backstage, just many people misunderstanding each other and holding grudges. Outside of theatre, I started this weird thing called "online dating" .... I know... I know... its weird. I just don't ever really have time to meet people outside of work and so I needed some method of getting in touch with people. I have been on this thing for like 2 weeks now, gone on 1 date so far, and messaged a few girls. Most people are incredibly rude as they hide behind the mask that is their computer. Also, apparently every woman is Denver is "fun loving, loves hiking and being outdoors, and has amazing eyes" -_- Most profiles are exactly the same. Its actually been kind of lame so far. The one date I went on went pretty well. Her name is Dani and we got sushi. It was of course awkward at first, but we got rolling eventually and had a good time. Then she went into finals and I started tech so.... hope to see her again soon.
There was a "winter storm" here about a week ago. I am from Seattle so let me just say IT WAS A BLIZZARD! lol It started the same day that strike for my last show and load in for my current show started so I got picked up by my boss, and we kind of got snowed into work. We worked long a long day and I spent the night in the theatre. WOOT! It snowed for like 2 days, then was sunny, and now the snow is almost all gone. So weird. We had 4 days to load in the current show, and do light hang and focus and paint the entire floor and set, so I have been working like a mad dog the past few days. Tech was tonight so from here it should be a little easier. Fingers are crossed!
About the same time that strike started I developed a sinus infection. I haven't had time to go to the doctor yet so I am just trying to take care of myself right now. Some days are worse than others. I actually bought a neti pot today cause I heard it would help. So far I still feel the same so... ya. Hopefully more than 4 hours of sleep a night and some rest will help now.
So... big news! I got offered an extension on my internship here for another year! My current boss is retiring and they want someone who knows the theatre to stick around and help the new guy figure things out here and how we do them. As a result I will be here for awhile longer now. I may try to work some summer job in Spokane over the summer if I can find one, so I hope to see all my friends again before my internship resumes.
Lent is cool. I tend to look at it as a chance for me to give up something that I don't like about myself or I think I want to change. I gave up video games for lent this year, as I think I spend too much time playing them and sometimes they make me an ass hole so I wanted to stop. I do feel much happier so far and will try to maintain this for the rest of lent. I think after lent I will still play them again, but I would like to cut back on time spent playing them a lot.
That about sums up my life in Denver right now. Now I suppose I will rant. I have been "pursuing" the girl of my dreams for some time now. I have thought I found her 3 times, and been disappointed each time. I am not upset or impatient, but I have been trying really hard to get a girlfriend since I have been in Denver. Part of it I think is to fill the loneliness I feel from my last big break up... leaving all of my friends in Spokane (shout out, love ya all). Each time I have found someone I like and am interested in something weird of fucked up happens and it just cant work out. I have been ignoring this for a while but I have decided to take the hint. I am pretty confident that I am supposed to be single right now, and so I am going to take a more passive role in relationship finding right now and just try to concentrate on my life and work. This is hard for me but I am going to try.
Thanks for reading this friends, and if you miss me, text me :P Love to talk to all of you
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