Washington Shmashington

SO, I have been in Denver for all of... 15 days. I just moved in with my awesome housemates Nick, Brad, and Josh, and am borrowing Nicks car to get to work until I get mine all set up hopefully this weekend or the next.Work has been going well, nothing unusual. We build things, problems arise, we fix them, and then the director and designers come in and we start that lovely cycle all over again. Light hang day one is tomorrow, and it will be my first true day in the grid, as I will be up in the air all day, and have to do more than squeeze the I beam with my legs and scream that I am okay! The next 2 days are for hang and then the third is for focus. Hoping to get my bearings in those days up on the grid. Really digging my boss, Guy. Teaching me a lot and fun to work with. I hang out with Ryan as much as I can and I have really been enjoying seeing him on a regular basis. On a sad note, I miss seeing all my friends from Spokane and family from Redmond. Especially Preston, Aaron, Jerod, Amanda, Tobin, and Rachel... and my Mom and Dad and Bother a lot too. If your upset I didn't mention you, I probably meant too, I just don't wanna list names forever and bore you all (Kyle, Dumble House, Linnea, and the entire Jarvis family). I am having a blast over here, and really feel like this is where I am supposed to be right now which is a great feeling. I am trying to do as much as I can while I am here because I don't know how long that will be, so I am pretty busy. When this next shows tech starts life is going to get crazy though! Anyway, that's my brief update from Denver, ttyl!

A Change of Location is In Order

Hey friends! So... this is my blog. I am going to try to fill it with exciting stories and news from my move to Denver. For any of you who don't know this, I recently accepted a paid internship in Denver Colorado, and moved here in a weeks time. Today was my second official day of work, and as per usual, everything in my life keeps falling into place. About 2 weeks ago I got a call from the Curious Theatre Company to ask me for a phone interview. We set it up, it went well... no big deal. Friday of that week, I got a call from them again, saying that I received the position, and that I had a day to decide weather I wanted to accept it or not. I would have to start work on August first (which at the time was about 9 days away) and so I was very stressed. I decided to take the position, and the journey began. I bought my plane ticket, and started looking for housing. Finding none, my generous boss offered me his place until I could find something else. I accepted once again, and began concentrating on packing. The day before I left for Denver, I got a phone call from my dear friend Nick Kemner, telling me that he was getting a new house in downtown Denver and was looking for a roommate. PERFECT! I accepted yet a third amazing offer and looked at the house yesterday. Its awesome! Now only one issue remains. I dont have any method of transportation in Denver. Wait, whats that, my awesome boss just bought a new car and informed me that he may be willing to sell me his old one?! BOOM! Accepted. I am in the process of working out some details with him, but hope to have a car by the end of next week. So... the trend of my life right now seems to be that God is taking care of everything. This seems to be one of those opportunities that everything is just falling into place, and it feels great. I have only worked for 2 days, but I am loving working with Guy (my boss) and learning as much as I can. I get to use so many cool new tools! WOOT!

There also happen to be a lot of people I know in Denver. I have hung out with Ryan already... AWESOME! Emily is coming down in like 2 days which is equally awesome! I hung out with Nick and Meghan and Amanda yesterday night and we went to a bar... and had some ... interesting experiences to say the least. I have a terrible memory, so If any of you guys want are in Denver or close to it, let me know so I can come and see youuuuu.

To conclude this entry, Denver is awesome and I really feel like I am supposed to be here right now. I miss all of you back home, and wish you all the best.

I cannot be shaken

This post has much of the same content as my last one. The concept of death still seems to haunt me more than everyone else around me. I am so terrified of the idea of death. I guess the thing that scars me most is when I die, what will my life have accomplished? This question has been plaguing me for a while now and I would like to walk through my answer for a minute. If there is a God, which it is my firm belief that there is, then the purpose of life is to live and serve Him. If there is not a God, then there is no real purpose to life,  therefor nothing matters. If this is the case, then it only makes sense that I live my life in a kind and thoughtful manner, so as to increase the enjoyment of life of those around me. Either way my response is the same, the difference lies in my reasons. It scares me a great deal to consider death, and all the questions that accompanies it. I only wish to know if I am alone in my fear of death, or at least to the degree to which I fear death. It is almost always pn my mind and causes me much stress. The time when I feel the most at peace is in bible study or church. When I am close to God I feel more at ease. I think this may be His way of helping me to want to get closer to Him and I feel as though he has been nudging me in that direction for a long time now. I hope to act on this and find new ways to grow in my relationship with God, but please keep me in your prayers and I hope to find some sort of peace soon.

What is the point?

It seems like everyone and everything is crumbling around me. So many of my friends and people I went to school with have died in the past few years, and the idea of death is really beginning to sink in. I always try to remind myself that I am going to die someday no matter what I do in this life and its very hard to wrap my head around. I sat awake for hours the other night because I couldn't stop thinking about how I am not the only person who thinks, and there have been millions before me and will be millions after me. How am I important at all? What does it matter what I do? I will not go down in any history books, I will not make any huge innovations to change the world. I am just another guy, searching for nothing. I feel incredibly alone and helpless. At the same time, there is some hope. While many people scoff at religion, it at least gives my life some focus. Following God, loving everyone, and living to serve him at least seems like a good use of my time. If I cant do anything useful in my life, the least I can do is love others and help them to do the really important things. When I die, I doubt I will be remembered, I am just another one in millions of millions of people. Even if I am, what good does being remembered do? When the people who remember me die, what happens then? Will I be flying in the clouds with my friends and relatives having a blast when i die? Will everything just go black and then, nothing? The thing that scares me more than death is the idea that nothing happens after death. There needs to be something after. Someplace where I matter.

The Final Countdown

Well, all is as I expected it would be this break. Christmas has been great, and I have enjoyed spending time with my family but I still am missing way more than I am enjoying. I find myself thinking about others all day and how much I would rather be spending time with them, even it it was doing homework. The simple fact is, I was hoping to get away from some of the drama of school by coming home and relaxing over break, but that was not to be as my own family drama far outweighs that of the school. I just feel trapped by my life right now, and all the problems that are popping up in it are driving me up a wall. I long for the good old days of no worries except for what game I was going to play at recess. One more semester to go and I am out of here for good. One semester of fun and homework and friends and then I am in the real world. The world of a job, and house payments, and getting a car, and feeding myself. The world of responsibility is something that I don't quite feel ready for yet. I have also come to the realization that this will be my last trip home in God only knows how long. After this I have a few breaks, but all of them I am planning on spending elsewhere. After graduation I plan on going wherever I can find work, so this may be my last chance to be home with my family in a long time. Wouldn't it be great if that last time was full of great memories and no family drama?

I feel as though I must again say, that I am homesick here at home. I long to be at my real home, where the people I love are. I miss one person a lot more than everyone else, and every day I am without her makes my heart hurt a little more. I cannot wait until I get to see her again and think about it all the time. I just hope she knows how important she is to me and how much I love her.

Always waiting for something better

As I finished my last day in Spokane before break, I have begun thinking about what exactly it is that I am going home to. Yes, my family is home... that's pretty much it for me. I love my family so much, each and every one of them. I feel as though there should be something else waiting for me at home. Leaving school is a sad day for me, as I leave my job, my friends, the people I love and care about, my comfort, and even my independence. Something about going home and being treated like a little kid just doesn't sound appealing to me. I enjoy the freedom of being my own adult person at school, and I don't want to leave that for break.  I am afraid that this break will be yet another one of sitting at my computer typing about what I wish I was doing, as I only really have 1 or 2 friends back home and I can't expect to hang out with them all the time. Its an interesting thing how school works.... I spend all year looking forward to breaks, and all breaks looking forward to going back. It would seem that I am never satisfied. I am going to make sure I enjoy my last semester at University, but I am really scared about what will come after. Where will I get a job? Will I get a Job? Where will I live? With whom? How the hell am I going to pay off all my debt? Will I stay in contact with the great people I met here, and will they do the same? So many questions to answer.  I suppose I am just scared of the changes that graduating will bring. All I can say is that I hope my friends and family will be there with me every step of the way, because in the end, they are all I have got.

Its Funny What A Little Time Can Do...

It has been a long time since I have been home, and it seems like just yesterday that I was bored out of my mind there and ready to run off to Spokane and be free! The truth is, it has really been about 5 months, and I am starting to miss things. Yes, I am always bored when I am home, but something about being bored and being able to relax (or maybe its just the lack of stress) just sounds really good right about now. I will be going home for Thanksgiving Break this year, and am really looking forward to it. I am excited to see and spend time with my family and my little kitties. We have so many traditions to take part in, like hanging up Christmas lights on Thanksgiving weekend with my Dad, making cookies and baked goods with my Mom, or fooling around with my Brother. Just the thought of a home cooked meal is driving me crazy right now. Along with the joy of seeing my family again, comes the joy of showing my home to someone else I care about greatly. My amazing girlfriend (that's putting it lightly) is coming home with me, and I am stoked to show her my home town, and the place where I grew up and became the man I am today. I will be carpooling over with a friend, and am looking forward to spending some time with them on the car ride over and back. 

Part of the reason why I am looking forward to this break so much is because of how stressful this year has been already. I am taking some of my most intense classes this semester, and on top of that I am in our schools Improv Team and had my senior project to do (which I finished today). I guess at this point my body just wants a chance to not stress out, be home, live in the familiar, and SLEEEEP. I have not slept in in a long time, and I think it is starting to show.